All You "King" Eat

Mexican + SnoBalls = Death Colon Well, our first snoball...

Tue, 20 Apr 2010 17:48:00 -0400

Mexican + SnoBalls = Death Colon

Well, our first snoball adventure ending abruptly after the realization that the closest stand to our office was in fact closed. We returned the next day at 4:00 since they only employ high school students. That was not the worst part. The owners decided to put a sign on the building that says “Tamales”. Now let’s break this down from an internet source (American Public Media’s Marketplace) who knows a thing or two about Los Angeles tamale stands:

“The police constantly watch all the goods and services that are sold illegally here: drugs, sex, fake IDs, even street food. Health inspectors have to dispose of all food that isn’t to code and that might be unsafe. Sometimes they dump full carts of tamales into the gutter. And the gangs in the area, they charge rent to any vendors who sell goods on the streets that they’ve marked as their territory.”

We do not live in Los Angeles. Explain the “Pigs Lips” on the menu? So here is the real breakdown: Initial Flavor = Zero, Ice Consistency = Not my favorite, small chucks of ice, Syrup Level = Light. Once I got through about 1/2 of the snoball and the ice melted, it was decent. If you are craving a snoball drive the distance and get one that paid decent money on an ice shredder and quality syrup.

It's Snowball Time!

Mon, 19 Apr 2010 14:16:27 -0400

Each season in South Louisiana brings a new culinary mastery of flavor to our fat asses. This summer, we will be testing the various unregulated, tax evading cash only businesses known as snowball stands. Luke, we’re going to have company.

Gambino’s - Bada Bing! Super smooth icing, great flavor,...

Thu, 04 Feb 2010 12:32:00 -0500

Gambino’s - Bada Bing!

Super smooth icing, great flavor, and moist interior. This king cake is good…not great…but good. If you have not tried a Gambino’s king cake, it is worth the effort to go pick one up. It will not make you the king of your office, but it may help you to get noticed from the girl in corporate accounting.

New York Bagel - The Magic Man Urban dictionary list...

Wed, 03 Feb 2010 15:32:00 -0500

New York Bagel - The Magic Man

Urban dictionary list “Magic Man” as the following:

A man who controls magic. The nickname of a driver in Talledaga Nights. A person who is a master of illusion that can trick you into seeing things that didn’t really happen, just like weed.

When used in a sentence:

Harry Potter is a magic man. He also cries like a bitch when he sees Voldemort.

That is what this King Cake does. I mean, it’s from New York Bagel and yet it is moist, delicious and really fresh. SAME DAY FRESH! It’s magic. The icing is really smooth, has sugar crystals on top. Cinnamon content looks to be light, but once in your mouth is delightful. The bread looks to be on the dry side but that is deceiving! Go try this king cake and you will not be disappointed.

They should’ve sent a poet. So beautiful. So...

Thu, 28 Jan 2010 16:05:47 -0500

They should’ve sent a poet. So beautiful. So beautiful… I had no idea…..

This king cake comes to us via Metairie from Manny Randazzo’s! (see title) The most fresh, moist, delicious king cake to date hands down.

The Sticky Bomb Just to set the record straight, this one is...

Tue, 26 Jan 2010 16:26:00 -0500

The Sticky Bomb

Just to set the record straight, this one is automatically disqualified based on the test criteria that was set early on. This is not a “plain” or “cinnamon” king cake. This one is MUCH MUCH more! This edition is brought to you by Nonna’s Bakery (that’s Italian for grandmother) via PJ’s coffee house in Baton Rouge. This praline king cake hit the spot during our 3:00 afternoon sugar fiend. Be sure to have extra paper towels and clean running water close by ~~like the kind in Mexico~~ after consuming this one…it is sticky! This is a good thing. It is so moist like the inside of the worm cave in Empire Strikes Back that has it’s own atmosphere while having a large hole that leads into OUTER FREAKIN SPACE!!! But that is another story. This cake also has a ribbon of sticky gooeyness running throughout the bread. Icing is balling as well as the addition of pecan praline topping generously applied. It is $26 by the way. Well worth the episode V reference above.

Berry Town Produce - Hammond, LA So this king cake was brought...

Mon, 25 Jan 2010 10:34:00 -0500

Berry Town Produce - Hammond, LA

So this king cake was brought to the office after the glorious Saints victory, 1/2 eaten and a day old. That being said, eating this cake only minutes after baking would make your head explode. At first glance, the lucky lady looked a bit used. Don’t judge a book by it’s cover. Ugly people are pretty on the inside. Everything taste better with pork fat. I could go on here but you get the point. The judging panel was really surprised at how delicious this cake was. The icing was a bit dry, and the sugar crystals are not our favorite, but that did not stand in the way of one of the best cakes so far! Taste was incredible due to some sort of magic the gathering party that built this thing. The flavor profile was a cross between a fresh donut and perfectly moist bread dough. I don’t know how this was achieved but it was amazing. The cinnamon content looked at first to be on the light side, but hidden pockets of goodness were there to pick up the slack. Go try this one if you are in the Hammond area.

THE “SEND YOUR DEADBEAT CLIENTS THIS KING CAKE SO THEY DIE...

Fri, 22 Jan 2010 11:44:27 -0500

THE “SEND YOUR DEADBEAT CLIENTS THIS KING CAKE SO THEY DIE A SLOW AND HORRIBLE DEATH”, VERSION OF DEATH.

The McKenzies “Kink” Cake. That’s right, I said “Kink”. Because this one will put a kink in your intestinal hose pipe that can only be undone by inducing a 5ft spray of vomit. Seem harsh? Well try this kink cake. Upon the first episode of this movie, your hands get covered in a sticky sand storm of sugar. By the climatic ending, you will be running out of the desert begging for moisture to relieve your cracked lips and parched mouth. The interior cake is the worst we have tested. Cinnamon is denied while the bread is, well….bread. Now let’s take a step back, McKenzies is a LONG TIME family favorite of mine for their eclair’s and dobash cake. My father would tell stories of skipping the end of church to be the first in line at the bakery in New Orleans. How could it be that this icon of New Orleans traditions produce a kink cake that is hands down at the bottom of our list so far? Well, don’t focus on flavor, throw texture out the door and let the guy who lives in the middle east apply the sand infused icing.

Lady GaGa Sighting? Much like reality TV today, where people can...

Fri, 22 Jan 2010 11:15:19 -0500

Lady GaGa Sighting?

Much like reality TV today, where people can focus on the lives of others instead of their own, and the advent of social media where people use things that other people have created to express their own individualism, comes Lady GaGa. In her own way she has appeared to us as the messiah through pastry in the form of king cake. All that has to happen next is the steady flow of strawberry icing from her womb to complete the effect. I’m out.

Danish Anyone? Antoines New Orleans This king cake created a bit...

Fri, 22 Jan 2010 11:01:43 -0500

Danish Anyone? Antoines New Orleans

This king cake created a bit of controversy in the office. Some, upon first bite, decided to relocate the contents of their mouth back to the garbage. Others however seemed to like the way this king cake taste. If you like lemon extract flavor, then this one is for you. Moisture content was super…like a swamp. Cinnamon content was there but completely overpowered by the lemon. The icing was sugar heavy and had oozing pockets that could be overwhelming. Use this one to attract the zombies, see below, then feed it to them to confuse them while removing the head or destroying the brian.

Rock Solid Performance - Swiss Confectionary Analysis; A spider...

Fri, 22 Jan 2010 10:50:47 -0500

Rock Solid Performance - Swiss Confectionary

Analysis; A spider web of icing leaves pockets of just sugar crystals and needs more consistency. But wait, there are 3 levels of sugary topping! First a layer of tri-colored sugar crystals, then large format sprinkles followed with ewwey gooey icing. A nice combination and beautiful presentation. The taste was really good with a home-made feel, while the bread has a bit of a wheat note. Moisture was good and cinnamon content is banging. All in all this is a rock solid king cake from the crescent city! This would most likely be your everyday smoking cigar as opposed to a maduro. Enjoy.

More on Melamine.

Fri, 22 Jan 2010 10:43:36 -0500

The Melamine Really Helps the Flavor - Thee Heavenly Donut Take...

Fri, 22 Jan 2010 10:42:05 -0500

The Melamine Really Helps the Flavor - Thee Heavenly Donut

Take a closer look. Yep, that is mardi gras beads, most likely from China adorning this king cake. The icing really helps the melamine, through osmosis, seep deep into the center of the cake. If this is not enough for you to choose another product, then the price is. This is the only king cake where I will mention the price. $25! Why you ask? Well, this is not really a king cake. What is it? It’s a huge freaking cinnamon twist donut with icing. Don’t get me wrong, it is a freak of king cake nature…in a good way. Although it’s construction does not really qualify it as a “king cake” we felt it was important to mention it here since it taste so good. It also comes with a big ass plastic knife that is great for serving and fighting off the zombie invasion that is immanent in 2012.

MOVE Over! The Calandros “Ballin out of control, super...

Tue, 19 Jan 2010 13:55:00 -0500

MOVE Over! The Calandros “Ballin out of control, super duper, bomb dropping with your chain hanging low” is here.

This is not even fair. This king cake is not even in the same league. Don’t ask questions, I don’t know what they are doing over at Calandros but they are the masters! The cake is like biting into a fresh cinnamon roll, but undercooked in a good way where it is all gooey and delicious, with ribbons of cinnamon exploding out of every pore! That’s kind of gross, but not when it is in your mouth! As we opened the box, an aroma of fresh cream cheese icing knocked me over, seriously. It is however a bit much on the icing side…unless you like icing, then it is heaven. It does have sugar sprinkles on the icing also, which seems to be a pretty common theme. The cross section of this cake was dark and moist. It is pretty amazing when it comes to moisture. They must have made some sugar and cinnamon liquid extract and injected this cake to it’s max. However they did it does not matter because it is done right. Go get you one of these and just sit alone in a dark room, rub the icing on your head, then eat the cake part. The hair on your head will help reduce the amount of icing on the cake, while still leaving small strands on it for your enjoyment and flavor. Repeat.

All Hail Ambrosia King Cake! This one IS worth driving across...

Tue, 19 Jan 2010 13:22:49 -0500

All Hail Ambrosia King Cake!

This one IS worth driving across town for. Just look at it. It’s massive form demands to be eaten by all. Taste is considered on the high end of good. Moisture content is great and this cake has very little “bread” feel to it. The very outer layer of the cake was a bit dry, but once inside watch out! Cinnamon content is “bangin”! The icing was a bit flakey but only on the very surface. The added granulated sugar was a nice treat. All in all this cake is the definition of a great king cake.

Matherne’s Supermarket King Cake Round Two. The...

Tue, 19 Jan 2010 12:53:41 -0500

Matherne’s Supermarket King Cake

Round Two. The Matherne’s Supermarket King Cake. This cake was smaller in size but made up for that with a great flavor! Taste, Moisture and Cinnamon were all considered “good”. The icing had the addition of granulated sugar which was an added bonus. It came packaged in a bag instead of the traditional box which could make for easier transport, but could allow it to get smashed. All in all a good cake if you are right next to a Matherne’s. But I would not drive across town for this one just yet.

The Ralphs Market King Cake Here is our first review of our...

Tue, 19 Jan 2010 12:35:00 -0500

The Ralphs Market King Cake

Here is our first review of our Mardi Gras season favorite, The King Cake. So let’s jump right in. The Ralphs Market King Cake was one of our best last year and for good reason. The icing is very smooth and not hard or flakey at all. The color on the cake is great also. The only shortfall is that the cake itself is more on the “bread” side and a bit dry. Cinnamon content is a bit on the light side and could always be more if you ask me. This King Cake however does have great flavor when doing a blind taste only test.